We need an Icebreaker to get to know each other

 

This book joins the collection of books that I have no idea how they came into my orbit, I don't even remember whether this was one of the ones that was sat on my Amazon list for ages. I just got it at some point, I don't know. But still, it's Icebreaker by A. L. Graziadei.

There are a few content warning in the front of this book, so I want to mention them here: Depictions of depression, anxiety and disassociation. Mild suicidal ideation. Underage alcohol abuse. Brief marijuana use. Sports violence.

Our blurb says that seventeen-year-old Mickey James III is a college freshman, a brother to five sisters, and a hockey legacy. With a father and a grandfather who have gone down in NHL history, Mickey is almost guaranteed the league’s top draft spot. The only person standing in his way is Jaysen Caulfield, a contender for the number one spot and Mickey’s infuriating (-ly attractive) teammate. Rivalry then leads to something more, forcing Mickey to decide what he really wants and what he’s willing to risk. This is a story about falling in love, finding your team (on and off the ice), and choosing your own path.

So, we open on chapter one and Mickey immediately mentions both his anxiety and depression are hitting him at once, and by page two, we’ve already learned that it’s expected of Mickey to follow in the footsteps of both his father and grandfather in the world on ice hockey. We also find out that his mother and one of his sisters were both Olympic figure skaters, so ice skating, of some kind, fully runs in the family. By the end of this chapter, we’re introduced to Jaysen as well. This book does a really good job of setting up the concept of the book within the first chapter. Like, you know pretty much everything that’s going on. It’s a full on slay. Still, in chapter two, Jaysen drags Mickey, saying how he’s only in the position he’s in due to his name – and it’s kind of true. Then by the end of chapter three, Mickey’s bestie, Nova, reveals to the reader through a message to Mickey that he has this thing called hate lust where he hates someone so much that he ends up being into them. And Nova ends up calling out Mickey, because his hate lust is aimed at Jaysen, nicely setting up the rivals plot that this book has.

There’s also repeated mention of how despite Mickey’s five sisters are all successful and slaying the world in their own rights, because Mickey is the only boy, he’s the only one the media tends to pay attention to. And you know what? Even as someone who doesn’t actively like sports, I get it. This is true. Take a look at football (UK, not US). Look how much fame the men’s teams get compared to women’s. It’s a ridiculous difference, and I appreciated this book bringing it up.

Another thing I appreciated was that Mickey’s anxiety and depression actually come up through the book (which I realise sounds stupid), but I mean that they have some bearing on the story, as opposed to them just being a crutch for the plot to move forward. There’s this moment where Mickey agrees to go to a concert when he’s feeling good, but by the time it comes around, the reverse besties, the worsties, if you will? The worsties known as anxiety and depression turn up and proceeds to affect how he handles school – because he’s also at school throughout this, in his first year of university.

One thing I do have to yell at Mickey for is his grammar over text. Because there were times where he’d use “your” in place of “you’re”. But there were also times where he’d use “you’re correctly, and it wanted to scream at him, because he can use the correct “you’re/your”, he just didn’t sometimes.

Given how the cover of the book looks, it’s not surprise when Mickey and Jaysen end up coming together during the book, and they do. But I was, not shocked, but almost happy to see that the plot of this book didn’t just instantly revolve around their relationship. I mean, in a sense it did, because their rivalry was something that was always present, but the two of them getting closer wasn’t the only thing that was going on in the book. This was a book that really made good use of its space. There was the space to show us Mickey’s family pressures, his academic struggles and his mental space as well. And even then, there were plenty of moments where some of the side characters were given moments in the spotlight. Obviously, some got more than others, but that’s just how books go – not every character is as important.

And to talk about this not revolving around Mickey and Jaysen’s relationship, while it, again, is obviously part of the story, the book, to me, felt more like it was about pressure, rather than the queerness. Like, the queerness was just a part of it. There was way more focus on how Mickey was handling his life, his father’s, and the world’s, expectations of him, and his mental health as well. And to actually round out this point I’m making about this properly, I really liked that it wasn’t just about Mickey and Jaysen’s relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some gay shit, and there’s also a part of me that would have liked to have seen a little bit more of their relationship, especially since there wasn’t actually all that much throughout the book.

Okay, so for my final point: Epilogues. I feel like an epilogue can sometimes be very hit or miss. Like, sometimes they can make the book better, or they can be completely pointless. But I feel like the epilogue of this book ended in the wrong place. I think for me to really talk about how I feel about the epilogue, I’m going to have to mention minor spoilers. So, if you don’t want any spoilers, you can finish reading this post here, and know that overall, I did very much enjoy this book, but was just disappointed by the epilogue – not even the end of the book, just the epilogue.

Right, so, as for the spoilers. At the end of the book, Mickey comes to a sort of head about his future, saying that if he gets offered a contract, he’s going to take it and finish his degree online, and at the end of the book (before the epilogue begins), he and Jaysen agree to be boyfriends. But the epilogue only takes place just as the draft picks that he and Jaysen have been in their rivalry over for the whole book, you don’t get to see any of the future of their relationship or anything and the epilogue ends with the characters finding out whether they got drafted or not, but not the reader. I’d have rather it been the case of I either got told or I didn’t, rather than having it dangled over my head like, “Hee hee, I know who got picked but you’ll never know”. So, between that, and not getting to see anyone’s future, the ending of the epilogue just felt like a bit of a let-down to me. The spoilers end here.

That’s it for this post lol. I definitely did enjoy this book, I really think the only thing I didn’t like about this book was the epilogue, and since it didn’t really add anything to the story or the plot, I think that if I ever read this book again, I can just skip it, and enjoy a good story.

Okay, bye!