When Haru Was Here is literally my favourite book of all time

So today I’m talking about When Haru Was Here by Dustin Thao. This is the first book I’ve actually read by Thao. I know that he has another book, You’ve Reached Sam, but I never read that – in the sense that this is the first Dustin Thao book I heard of, and You’ve Reached Sam wasn’t.

And now, before I say literally anything about the book, even recite the blurb for you. I’m going to tell everyone that this is now my favourite book, like of all time, and that’s not even a joke. To give you an example of how much I loved this. Going off my Goodreads account, that I just use to track what I’ve read. It took me roughly two weeks to read the last two books I read, The Spells We Cast and Prince of the Palisades. I think it was less for the latter as I took a little break between books. But I marked this book as fully read four days after I marked Prince of the Palisades. Like, I have not read a book this quickly in a long time.

The blurb says that after the death of his best friend, Eric Ly creates imaginary scenarios in his head to deal with his grief. Until one of them becomes real, and the boy he met last summer – Haru Tanaka – walks into the coffee shop and sits down next to him. The only thing is, nobody else can see him. Eric suddenly has someone to connect with, making him feel less alone in the world. But as they spend more time together, he begins to question what is real. Soon Eric is losing control of the very thing that is holding him together, and must confront his reality. Even if it means losing Haru forever.

I’ll be honest, I read that listing and immediately wanted to gnaw on my laptop. I do in fact mean this in a good way. This was one of those things where I read the blurb and was like, “Wow, I need to read this immediately or I will become a problem”. And given that it’s now my favourite book, I’m so glad I was right.

In the first chapter, Eric’s sister, Jasmine, is moving away to university and his parents leave him alone for the night when they’re going to drive her over there. One of his friends, Daniel comes over, like an hour after they leave and he says there’s a party he wants Eric to go to, but he convinces Daniel to stay. They mention this trip to Japan their school has coming up and end up kissing on Eric’s rooftop. The first two chapters are in a “before” section. The second is the last day of his trip, and when he meets Haru. The chapter with Haru was so romantic, so much so that I could imagine it on screen. I could see it as a TV show, all the places they go, the day they spend together, and the time when they’re separated at the end, when Haru hides this piece of paper from Eric that has his phone number, only to just barely miss giving it to him in the end. Then the third chapter, only at the end of it do you find out Daniel is dead? I’m standing up and leaving the frame, this isn’t a video but I’m doing that. I gagged, screamed even. Through the first of the “after” you see a couple of moments where Eric is seeing things that aren’t real and it’s all very gaggy. And in this after section, he hasn’t gone to university immediately, and has just finished a Summer job with a catering company. Anyway, Jasmine visits Eric to tell him she’s dropped out of university and is going to Amsterdam with her band, so not only has Eric lost his best friend, but he’s also losing his sister as well. My man is going through it.

The sad thing is that I knew Eric was just seeing things, and making up seeing Haru, because of the blurb, but every time Haru turned up, I really hoped that it was real. Every time Haru showed up and he spent time with Eric, there was that part of me that was hoping by the end of the book that Haru would turn up again, and the two of them would finally be able to spend more time together in the real world, as if they didn’t when Eric went to Japan, but like, Eric would finally be able to exchange numbers with Haru and he wouldn’t have to imagine Haru any longer. This book fully had me getting my hopes up every time, despite the fact I constantly knew none of it was real. What I did wonder was how things were really being perceived from an outside perspective when Eric was seeing Haru. Like, when Eric has his hand taken by this version of Haru he’s made up, how does like look to an outsider? The same goes for this moment when Eric stumbles and Haru catches him.

You also see the issues of seeing Eric go through seeing Haru and also wanting to be with Haru, since Haru is the one keeping him somewhat sane, but while also living something of a life where he’s just trying to keep himself going as he figures out what’s next. He gets himself a job at the Chicago Theatre and ends up making a couple of friends, and it’s the case of he doesn’t really know how to keep Haru and everything else together. Also, his time at the Chicago Theatre gets him a little bit of a social life where he just wildly ends up in these situations that I’d only expect to see on TV or think, “This doesn’t happen in real life”. But at the same time, I knew exactly what the people Eric was meeting had in mind for him. It was like we were watching Eric make all these poor decisions that you knew weren’t going to end up well for him, and all you could do was feel bad for him.

Something I was glad about was that there only happened to be a few chapters in the “before” section throughout the book. There was a part of me that thought it was going to be the case of there’d be more throughout the book, but I’m glad that there wasn’t as it meant we, shocker, spent more time in the present, with Eric going through what his life is now. Obviously, working at the Chicago Theatre, then you see repeated mentions of him doing college applications. And seeing that, even though you know he was still plagued, seeing even just a quick mention of him saying he was working on a college application meant that he was pushing through his sadness and grief. I don’t think that it needed to be specifically applying to college either. Eric loved film and filmmaking, so I’d have been content with seeing him using his camera, literally just using it, he wouldn’t have needed a goal, just that he hadn’t given up on it. It was those little things that told me he wasn’t a complete lost cause and wasn’t just giving up.

I feel like I’m trying to be somewhat vague about everything I’m saying. Not only because as I’m writing this post the book is still new, but it more that I feel like this book is best experienced blind. I think me not thinking so much about what I’m reading definitely improved the experience. I don’t mean like not having a single thought, I meant more just not trying to be too smart and just enjoying what’s in front of me. Because this book made me feel so much. It's not too difficult to rise a reaction out of me, but I think in my entire life, there has only been a handful of books that have made me cry, and I’m happy in saying that this is one of them. I loved this book.

Okay, bye!