Take a trip to 2015 with Amelia, If Only

I think Amelia, If Only might be the first book from Becky Albertalli I’ve read in a long while. I think Here’s To Us, with Adam Silvera, was the last one that I read. And when I received a gift card for Christmas, I ended up looking through all the Becky Albertalli books I hadn’t read, and this sounded like the one I’d be most into.

The blurb says that Amelia Applebaum isn’t in love with Walter Holland. He just happens to be her favourite moderately famous chaotically bisexual YouTuber. Amelia just knows sparks would fly – if only she could connect with Walter for real. If only he would host a meet-and-greet. If only it were just a short road trip away. And if only Amelia could talk her friends into making it the perfect last hurrah before graduation – even her new single, always-cynical best friend Natalie. One thing’s for sure: all roads lead to butterflies. But what if Amelia’s butterflies aren’t for Walter at all?

So the book starts out on Amelia’s senior prom where she’s made this singing prom-posal video for our bestie of blurb fame, Walter, but then she super cringes out over it as she ends up getting no response, and why would she? Something I immediately noticed was that I know that I’ve definitely aged out of YouTube vloggers. I think the only vloggers I watch nowadays are VanillaMace and Kori King. But the way that Walter was sold to me in the book, he felt very much like 2015 vlogger-core, even though his solo channel was meant to be more of a commentary channel. Also wild, considering I feel like commentary channels have dropped off from how they had been over the past few years. But the fact that it was mentioned that Walter basically headlined VidCon of all places? That was made him feel very 2015 Brit crew vlogger-core.

I liked Amelia and her group of friends. There was her (Amelia lol), Natalie, Mark (Natalie’s twin), and Zora. I feel like Albertalli writes characters that feel like a characterised group of friends, and I lowkey feel like Albertalli could probably write characters for a teen show. Because the character all very much felt like that to me. They all felt like characters I would see on a show that would probably air on CW and go on for more seasons than it should. But it was the way that they felt like a real friend group that wasn’t afraid of ripping into each other for cringe stuff they do. Like Mark was so useless with women that weren’t in their group, there’s one point where the girls are all talking about their boobs and he’d get super weird and embarrassed. And Amelia would also get dunked on for her borderline parasocial relationship with Walter.

Something odd I noticed was that Albertalli would quite happily mention social media sites, but then wouldn’t mention Spotify, Apply Music, or YouTube music by name. I didn’t write down a page but there’s a point where characters play music from their phone and it doesn’t get mentioned where from specifically. What’s wrong with just saying Spotify? Especially if Reddit, Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube, and Instagram all get mentioned. And one point where the Don’t Piss Me Off button was hit where I physically wrote down the page in my notes because I couldn’t believe what I had read. Page 176. Someone is live-tweeting the Q&A from the meet and greet Walter hosts near where Amelia lives, and this tweet says, “Haha Mika just asked if Walt brought his ukulele tonight and he said he’s saving it for future apology videos”… Why, in the good year of 2026 (when I read this book) am I reading a reference to, of all things, Colleen Ballinger’s apology video? Why am I seeing a toxic gossip train reference in a novel? Like, I took actual, real psychic damage when my eyes perceived those words and my brain registered what they meant.

I found the book very easy to read. I think I read 85% of it on two train journeys to and from London. Like, when I’d come back from London I had about 50 pages left to read. I’ve said before I’m not a particularly quick reader, but I found myself breezing through it. The best way I can describe the book is that, while there were things going on, not much actually happened. So, the blurb questions whether Amelia’s butterflies are actually for Walter or not, while obviously implies they’re not, especially since she’s stood with another girl on the cover of the book. But throughout the book, all that really happens is that Amelia and her group of friends go to this university where Walter is holding his meet and greet, and they go to it. That’s basically all that happens. But it’s in that, the road tripping to Aunt Jojo’s house (I literally do not remember whose aunt Jojo was… oops!) and then going to the university, it’s the way that the characters all interact with each other.

I definitely thought the ending was a bit predictable – not that that’s a bad thing by any stretch. It was more so that I could see what was going to happen from a mile away. So, Walter, our YouTube oomf, I don’t remember who he was related to, but he was the cousin of someone in the group, or I don’t think it was someone in the group, it was someone that was at the university that Amelia and her friends went to for the meet and greet, and because Walter and Amelia have so much in common and had a very similar upbringing, they end up chatting and become literal oomfs. And Mark, who was pegged as the token straight person in the group, just happens to be there every time Walter is. I presumed that meant Mark wasn’t straight, and that when Amelia met Walter and wasn’t really in love with him, like she parasocially thought herself to be, then he would end up with Mark instead, since Amelia was going to end up with Natalie, as she is on the front cover.

So, I liked this book, but I definitely thought some of the ways that Amelia would act, it made me think, “Is that how teenagers act?” I don’t mean that in a Becky doesn’t understand younger people kind of way. I mean it more in, this book, ironically, felt a bit like it was trapped is a 2015 YouTube hole. Sure, it was set in modern times, and parasocialism wasn’t so widely spoken about in regards to YouTube, but it almost felt like I was reading something outdated. Even the way Amelia was acting, it felt like the 2015 Tumblr take on what bisexuals are like – the finger guns, the nicknames. As I read the book, I was being shot between 2026 and 2015. It was so strange and I don’t know how to explain it better. Set in modern times but felt like it was pulled out of 2015 YouTube.

Again, I liked this book, and it was easy to read. The whole thing relatively inoffensive but never blew my tits off.

Okay, bye!