Parasocial relationships with k-pop idols have made it to books

 

So, this is another post that’s quite different, and something other than just what seems to be a glorified book report. The idea came to me in the wake of seeing one of my friends posting Holy Boy by Lee Heejoo, and seeing it was about an idol getting kidnapped. Then I thought that was a cool concept since I’m a K-pop fan, and came across Idol, Burning by Rin Usami, which is about a fan’s life spiralling after her idol gets into a scandal. Then seeing those two so close together, it inspired me to write about the concept of parasocial relationships. I’ll talk a little bit about how they’ve made it into more media now, and also my relationship with parasocial relationships.

For a little bit of context, to explain what a parasocial relationship is on the most basic level would be to say that it is a one-sided relationship between someone like a celebrity or content creator and a, for lack of better phrasing, normal person, wherein the “normal person” forms some kind of attachment to the celebrity or creator. It’s the kind of thing that manifests in the form of believing you have a friendship with a creator, so comment on their stuff like you’re closer than you really are. Or with a celebrity, believing that you have some kind of special relationship with them, when in reality, you’re just another fan.

It’s something that’s very prevalent in K-pop, and to hop on that first, when it comes to these K-pop idols, a lot of them are selling themselves as a fantasy as a means to garner support and sell their albums or merch. That’s not a drag, by the way, it’s literally just an advertising method. You know, they’ll do livestreams. I do like the idols that will straight up refuse fan service. I think of I.N from Stray Kids, like if people ask him to be their boyfriend for like five minutes, he’ll straight up just say no. I love that, it kills me. But they’ll do these livestreams – I will also make the point that I don’t know what it’s like when it comes to girl groups, or female idols – and act cutesy, act as I think the phrase is, boyfriend material, so that fans can pretend that idol is their boyfriend and they’re hanging out with them. But it might not be like that, it could be with the content that they release outside of the music they make. I think of Wonho as an example. I love Wonho’s music, when I first saw gifs of him on Tumblr, I fully thought he was a model before I realised he made music. But Wonho knows that he looks good, knows that he has a killer body, so will often use that. He’s made a lot of gym and workout content in the past, because it gets people to pay attention. And all of this falls under the umbrella of fan service. I will also say, I know what’s happening, but I also let myself consume it. I don’t believe that I’m going to date any of these idols or that any of them want me, I’m not blind. But I will also let myself succumb to fan service as I still am a fan and sometimes appreciate the service, because I’m getting to see this idol, who is admittedly very attractive, do something very attractive to me.

One of the books I wanted to talk about in relation to this topic, Holy Boy, literally has the word for sasaeng on the cover, which is a Korean phrase for someone who’s that obsessive over someone – usually an idol – that starts to violate the idols privacy. Things like going to their hotel, stalking them, breaking into their homes. And it’s these kinds of fans that are in love with the idols because of one reason or another, the fan service the idols offer that they, as a fan, have taken too far, or say if the idol acts flirty on stage and they fall for them. Even in that, there’s something very different between a casual little crush and genuinely having feelings and believing you love each other.

Within Holy Boy, the idol is a man named Yosep, who is kidnapped by a group of women who hold him captive in a mansion for one reason or another. One of the women, Nami, genuinely believes that she and Yosep are meant to be married and be together forever. Another of the women is one of the was Yosep’s birth mother, who gave him up at birth, and she wants to be with him again, despite him not knowing she is his mother. I don’t think the book necessarily did the best job in showing off the parasocial relationships and obsession, since a lot of the book was spent on POVs that didn’t actually have all that much to do with Yosep. But the idea was still there, and I think the book still did a solid job in showing the danger in getting yourself far too deep with your parasocial relationship. If I’m not mistaken, by the end of the book, two of the women were arrested at the end of the book, with one of those two taking their own lives. And I don’t remember whether the other two died, I’m sure one of them did, for definite, as Yosep ends up dead, so they don’t feel as they have any reason to live anymore. That was bonkers, letting yourself fall so hard that you have no reason to live outside of the idol that you’re, well, idolising, and believing you have this kind of relationship with.

I’m going to borrow basically an entire paragraph from my Idol, Burning post I was originally going to post where I talked about stanning. It was talking about my experiences of going to K-pop concerts and how when I’ve gone, I’ve thought the way that I interact with these idols has maybe needed me to take a step back, because I think I’m going a bit too far – mind you, I barely even comment on their posts and things – but then I’ll hear the kinds of things that people are saying at concerts, and I’ll think, “Wow, maybe I’m not in that deep”. And I’ve heard people show off the numbers of what they’ve been streaming, and how they’ll be the people in the trenches repeatedly streaming the songs and the music videos. And I know that’s the show that they’re successful, but with the way I treat music, I listen to what I want to listen to, whether that’s K-pop or not. I don’t remember who it was, my brain is telling me it was Keeho from P1Harmony, or one of the P1Harmony boys (it could have also been Bang Chan from Stray Kids, I’m not sure), but one of these K-pop boys said that it’s okay for you to love them, but just to make sure you have interests outside of them, and loving them. And yes! That’s exactly what I’m thinking. I think it’s fine to love these idols, they could be your absolute faves, but you need to make sure you have hobbies and interests outside of them. It’s like how you should have at least one hobby that doesn’t include staring at a screen, or that gets you offline. For me, it’s reading – I do have paint, and I would love to be more into that as well. This is one of those things where I know, luckily, I’m nowhere near the level of the women in Holy Boy and am well aware I can separate myself from what I’m consuming. Knowing that I can log off.

To keep on that train, somewhat, Idol, Burning is very interesting as a concept, since you’re seeing the fan’s perspective. That really does make me think about the people who do idolise people that highly to the point they’ve got fan accounts dedicated to them. I will admit, I do have a K-pop Twitter account, and my username does push me towards a specific idol from a specific group, but I’m certainly not a stan or update account. But then, like I say, if those idols then get into a scandal, what do these people do? I will say, I feel like it would depend on the severity of the scandal as to the reaction for me. I think about dating scandals, and I literally don’t care. It’s the same thing when it comes to if an idol gets caught smoking or vaping, I literally don’t care. But then if it’s something horrible, or super offensive that then comes with an apology I can tell is disingenuous, that can ruin careers, put me off idols and groups, and then all of these stan accounts, what happens to them?

I think that attitude is what set me apart from Akari in Idol, Burning. Don’t get me wrong, within the novella, there is mention she sees a doctor and ends up medicated, and then she admits to having something along the lines of merch buying syndrome, where she couldn’t really control herself when it came to buying merch. Despite not directly saying why she was at the doctor for and why she was on medication, it did kind of give me the vibe of a hyperfixation on her idol – literally the point where she had a real shrine in her home dedicated to him.

And again, this is one of those things that I think is super interesting to see, again since I’m in the K-pop space. I definitely think the most dangerous time to be getting into K-pop is right when someone first gets into K-pop. Or at least, it was for me, when I hadn’t figured out who it was that I wanted to follow, because that was when I was buying albums of groups that I only kind of liked, and then once time had passed, I was left with albums that I only thought were okay for groups that I don’t even follow or listen to anymore. Even after that, once I figured out who it was that were my favourites, and whose music I loved – I can now say my favourites are Omega X, Stray Kids, and Wonho. But JUSTB and P1Harmony are definitely up there as well – there was a time where I felt like I had to buy every version of every album that they released. For smaller artists and groups, like Omega X, that was okay, because they wouldn’t release all that often and would at most have two versions, so that’s not bad, but around the Five Star and Rock Star eras for Stray Kids, I literally bought every version of the albums, with the exception of the member-specific little jewel case ones. And even then, there were like four versions, I think, so that’s a minimum of £100 I’d spend on albums for a singular comeback. So, this is where I definitely see the reality of being a stan in Idol, Burning, because while I’ve not gone as far as an actual shrine, I’ve definitely displayed the same kind of behaviour that Akari has, although maybe not to the extent that all my money is going on my idols. I think it was after the Rock Star era where I managed to take a step back and be like, “Woah, what am I doing?”, and seeing Akari’s behaviour sort of cements and backs up the mental state I have when it comes to albums now. When it comes to a bigger group like Stray Kids, I’ve got a limit for myself where I’ll only let myself get two copies of the album, max. I’ll let myself get a member-specific version (usually Felix’s version, since he’s my bias) and then one other. The only exception I give myself is a vinyl version, just because I do have a record player, so I know it’ll definitely get played, even if my CDs don’t…

Now this last section came to my mind post-reading of the other two books. ThamePo – the GMMTV show (but that also has a novel, so I’m including it lol) – which follows a leader of an idol group in Thailand and the director producing the idol group’s disbandment documentary. This book follows, well, I was about to say a good pattern, but it’s not good in the slightest. The book is from the POV of those two characters, rather the fans. If I’m not mistaken, the show came first and the book was released as merch. But it shows you just how damaging these types of fans are. The ones who genuinely stake a claim on these idols and proceed to vilify, not only them, but the people they choose to have in their circles or get “exposed” for dating. You see just how devastating it is for the idols and the people involved, how it drives people apart, destroying them, all because there are certain fans that just can’t be normal and appreciate music for it being music. I may also have a soft spot for ThamePo because it’s the only queer things I’ve talked about in this post.

Anyway, that’s it. You’re welcome lol. This entire thing was brought on by Holy Boy and then finding Idol, Burning. While I can absolutely appreciate an idol being attractive, and say that he’s my husband, or stuff along those lines, I think I’m too grounded in reality, sadly. Like, I’m not about to start believing we’re going to get together, and like I said before, I genuinely do not care if they get into these minor scandals when it comes to dating or smoking. These are the kinds of things where I legit just wonder who actually cares. Because why does it bother you so much? Like I don’t get it? I’m into K-pop because I like the music and, honestly? The community. Yes, I have spent a lot of money on it, but I’ve also made real friends through it. I also don’t think I’m about to date any of these male idols I enjoy.

Okay, bye!